Triathlon 2012

I have always loved riding a bike.  When I was a kid after my parents got divorced I spent a lot of time on my bike.  It became a form of therapy for me and I had lots of deep thoughts and conversations with myself while I was riding on it.  I've always admired cyclists riding in their packs and deep down wanted to be one of them.  I wondered if I ever could be one of them.  It seemed like a far off thought.  Last year I got a road bike and it sat in my garage for a month after I got it.  I was scared to ride it.  I live on a major highway and I was sure I'd be killed riding my bike on it.  One day I faced my fear and went out and I've been riding ever since. It's actually that same form of therapy for me I found when I was a kid.

I've always wanted to do a triathlon.  Being an avid crossfitter and now owning a road bike made it seem a little more within reach.  But triathlons are for athletes.  They are for skinny people, who are good athletes.  They are for people who can swim, and swim well.  One day in March I was at my chiropractor's office and he told me how he had just signed up for this triathlon.  I thought "that's do-able,  I could do that, here's my chance," and came home and signed up.  While I spent my high school years in the lake waterskiing,  and still spend a lot of time in the water, I'm a self taught swimmer and never had any technique or efficiency.  I knew I had to take lessons, so I signed up for lessons two months before the race and faithfully went three days a week.  It was a lot of work, going to crossfit 5 days a week, riding my bike there, and going to swimming after 3 days a week took a lot of time, and one day I caught myself wanting to cry as I was struggling in the pool wondering if this was all worth it.  While my swim at the tri was less than stellar, I know I wouldn't have been able to do what I did had it not been for my lessons.  Sometimes you have to look at how far you've come versus where you're going.  Needless to say as race day approached I was a bundle of nerves.  I was absolutely terrified.  Deep down I wondered if they would have to pick me up from the course cause I'd be unable to finish.  But I trained pretty well, because I knew once I faced that start line it would be too late.  It would be too late to go back and do another run, or another ride, or take one more swim lesson.  I wanted to just not show up, I wanted to back out.  But I showed up.  What amazed me was not once during the race did I feel like I was going to die, or that I wasn't going to make it.  I just kept going.  I couldn't help getting choked up as I saw the finish line, and if you can't understand my emotion you can't understand what it meant to me to finish.  When I crossed it the first person I saw was my crossfit coach.  I gave him a high five and yelled, "I did it Paul, I did it!!"

The next day I was online looking for another tri to do. I'm sure I didn't look like an athlete out there doing the race, and I certainly didn't have the fastest time, but it never was about that anyway.  It was about being afraid, and learning to be bigger than your fear.  It was about taking lessons and learning something new.  It was about showing up.  I dare say doing that triathlon changed my life.  I feel different since I did it. I'm grateful. I learned some life lessons through that experience.  It's one thing to hear the old saying, "where there's a will, there's a way" but it's another thing to know it, to know it for yourself.  And I do....and it's empowering.